Blog from the South, in August.


Hey y’all.  It’s hotter than hell and half of Georgia.  Welcome to August.  Welcome to North Carolina and it’s always hotter than 90 in the shade, and to my Northern friends who moved here because it’s so crazy cold up there and this is your first summer in the South- told ya it was hot.  We really weren’t kidding.   (Be glad you didn’t move to Florida)


You know, I realized that I talk a lot about being from here and all the awesome things that make me proud to be born and raised right here in North Carolina (kinda like Pepsi) but what I don’t talk about much, well, until now, are the things I could really live without.  I still really wouldn’t change up much about here.  I even marveled at the existence of tobacco fields the other day on the way to Richlands via many backroads.  I love the fact that I can still drive out of Wilmington and find backroads.  


So, let’s get some things off my chest about the South. 


I usually despise being called “Shug.”  It’s sort of the same thing as a “bless your heart” although that has really been driven into the ground at this point - and frankly I still say that in the context of sympathy - If I wanted to tell someone to go jump off a bridge - then I would just say that.  The use of “shug” usually is said looking down ones nose with a slight arch of an eyebrow - with utter disdain.  - Not to be confused with the use of “sweetie” which is exactly that - a complete and lovely compliment. - “hon” sort of ranks up there with “shug” but not quite as bad - “hon” is really more apathetic. 


I am not a fan of screened porches - most southerners just have a porch and you sit there.  I really can’t think of a good reason that people started adding these things on to a house unless it was a great way for a builder to up-charge a buyer.  Think about this for a moment…the purpose of a screened porch is to keep the bugs away from you while you sit outside.  and are YOU sitting outside currently?  Did you notice the humidity? The times you will be sitting on your porch is about one week in October, most of November and maybe a little in December - but by that time the mosquitoes and no-see-ums have gone to other warmer zones (Florida) and you can, in fact sit on your front porch.  Winter is perfect for fire pits and backyards and then you have about a week of Spring before everything is a lovely yellow hue…anddddd you’re back inside.  So, just have a porch, a seriously cool porch swing and some rockers.  Trust me, you won’t be drinking coffee in August on the screened porch. Nope. Not happening unless you are just proving a point.


I am also not a fan of August and September.  Oh, I love summer and the beach.  I love flip-flops, my summer wardrobe, gin and tonics, boat rides, paddle boards, and so many other things, the two months of the year that I really struggle with are August and September.  August gets muggy and when I didn’t think it could get hotter, then it does.  And I’m surprised.  I am 51 and for the years that I was aware of weather, I am still surprised.  It’s humid hot (not to be confused with the still very hot- dry hot and that sucks too, but at least with dry hot, your hair can still be managed) Our humidity is unbearable at times and whatever makeup or clothing that was chosen that morning is ruined before lunch as the makeup slides down your face and the clothing sticks to parts of your body that it shouldn’t be sticking to. And that lie they tell you about Southern women having great skin due to the moisture level? Yeah, that’s just plain made up. (But Florida is still more humid) …….and then there’s the hurricanes.


So there’s my hissy fit about the current situation and not really much to do about it except sit in the air conditioning and let the weather be what the weather will be.  Only two more months to fall, and then maybe another two months to sweater weather - a girl can hope.  (But then I’ll want summer again)

Thank goodness